Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Shipping
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

Katie Jensen

PeaceRme

The name reflects the dialectic of peace

Hard and soft

Peace and Army

There cab be no peace...

Without peace within

Blog

Conflict and Intimacy

Posted on November 14, 2012 at 8:16 AM
 
 
 
22301 438130522901140 17134322 n The dialectic of forgiveness
 
 
Thinking more...no one can stay centered all the time. We will all veer off that center point. If we fear conflict, we fear intimacy. If we fear peace, we fear intimacy. Real intimacy develops as we tolerate this dance of imperfection and humanness. It's like mindfulness. The work of mindfulness is not some perfect point of awareness that is maintained at full intensity at all times. It is the dance back and forth, that creates human awareness and perception. We are not perfect perceiving beings. And the most agregious errors in perception occur with the thought that we are without distortion, instead of the awareness that distortions in thinking and perceiving are a constant. In fact, this awareness has within it, the power to find forgiveness, peace and love. (oh how cliche'! in a time where righteousness and war are so popular, and love seems so powerless and silly).
 
The same is true for intimacy. It's the dance between distance and closeness.  It's not just the dervishes that whirl...we all whirl! For years of my practice in DBT, it seems impossible to find a place of perfect balance and stay there at all times. We all get hungry, angry, lonely and tired. We have our judgments and distortions. Some people hide those judgments, keep them to themselves, (unless they are surrounded by allies). Others let them rip, exposing them and even imposing them on all around them. Both ends are polar opposites and the dance goes back and forth between the extremes.
 
It is in our honest awareness of this dance that peace comes. That is the moment in time, when I no longer have to judge you for being off balance or "that one time when..." It's that moment when I can accept with clarity the truth that includes my own lack of balance at times. The times I have judged, thought ill of you, hated you, or cursed you under my breath. It is through acceptance that we notice the distance it causes. It is through awareness that we see how we create distance when we forget that this is a dance for all kind...not just some. It's not just "the crazy people who get off balance". It's not just the ones with mental illness who lose their balance, it's not just the "wrong" people, or the alcoholics, or the ones with autism or down's syndrome, or parkinson's or the "selfish and self centered". It's not just the bums in the park who have lost their way. It is me, when I judge you.
 
Nope. It's us, when we begin thinking that "others" are wrong. When we focus our judgments on them, when we lose the reality that our perceptions about how life should be are fraught with judgments and are as off balance as anyone with a mental disorder. The moment we think another human less than ourselves we have begun the lie. We have thrown ourselves off center. The moment we let anger and judgement move forward in condescension and rescue, the moment we move back in distance due to lies about how we cannot tolerate someone else, we have departed from center.
 
It's okay, it's alright. But coming home to love, acceptance and forgiveness is the dance. It's different that "tolerating" someone while hiding your true feelings. That's inauthentic, it's not comfortable, it eats away at the soul to be fake. It's not avoiding people or "putting them on the island of forsakeness". Nope. It's total acceptance of our humanness first our own, then theirs.
 
As we move toward the holidays, this is a good time to examine the list of relatives, loved ones, that you may have "put on the island". The ones you distance from, the ones you may not wish to see or speak with, gather with and love. Who are they? And instead of making that list of judgments in your head about why they don't deserve your love, and instead of ignoring your true feelings so they sit on the shelf of your perception like righteous King babies of love, ask yourself how you are like the ones you dislike the most. Ask yourself if that list of judgments fits you in any way? Then forgive yourself for being human. Then love yourself for seeking truth. Then pat yourself on the back for seeking truth and authenticity, and then finally find yourself home...and in love with every person surrounding you.
 
Instead of just watching the whirling dervishes, just know you are always dancing with them whether you perceive it or not...then open your eyes and dance with all your heart!
 
 
 

Categories: Thought for the day

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

108 Comments

Reply IT Support
1:13 PM on June 5, 2013 
That's wonderful stuff you've written up here.
Reply essayontime fraud
5:33 PM on June 21, 2013 
I think persons should proceed on holidays regularly because by doing it they will ease a lot of tension from themselves.
Reply vas 5054a v19
2:50 AM on July 8, 2013 
Audi-VW Airbag Reseter works without additional computer and trough car OBD II connector can erase airbag sensor "crash data" or only fault memory.feng
Reply Pharmacy Supplier
11:23 AM on August 13, 2013 
It's really nice information provided by you. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Reply online pokies australia
6:30 AM on August 15, 2013 
The moment we think another human less than ourselves we have begun the lie.
Reply shanghaiweiqi
1:42 AM on October 18, 2013 
Hello, you used to write excellent.
Reply Dominic Carloni
4:32 AM on October 29, 2013 
tool regarding verification
Reply Click Here
10:38 AM on November 29, 2013 
Thanx for the effort, keep up the good work Great work, I am going to start a small Blog Engine course work using your site I hope you enjoy blogging with the popular Blog Engine.
Reply Forklift Training Melbourne
5:10 PM on December 4, 2013 
Your article is very nice. You have provided interesting information. I will return to your site often to check. Keep up with your good work.
Reply www.sezerfm.com
2:46 AM on December 10, 2013 
For now, Washio is only available in Los Angeles and in San Francisco, where the company just recently launched. But already, it’s seeing pretty solid demand. In L.A. in particular, its “ninjas” generally stay in specific neighborhoods where they do pickups and dropoffs, which speeds up the process.
Reply SEO Orange County CA
12:19 PM on December 17, 2013 
No, you could cut the course without knowing, I suppose. My guess is when they came to that intersection some runners were already on there way back. Thus, if they looked to their right they may have seen runners going in that direction and simply followed them.
Reply drukkerij kontich
4:53 PM on December 19, 2013 
really unbelievable part as well data-able. really I have reassess this full part. But I am not pledge to get this minutia and figures. I need a twosome of more minutia and figures. Are you provide minutia ?
Reply http://darmowe-gry-hazardowe.com.pl/
7:50 PM on December 19, 2013 
no compact expense?
Reply Office Supplies Melbourne
12:36 PM on December 26, 2013 
Hi, nice post. I have been thinking about this topic,so thanks for sharing.
Reply term paper
9:36 AM on January 6, 2014 
Since there are tons of content on the web, I came across your own house interesting and well-observed. I just would like that you might are making your current level clearer as well as a bit more argumentative. That could spice some misconception.
Reply schilderwerken
2:12 PM on January 10, 2014 
Algemene Schilderwerken say: I am happy with you help and thanks for such nice work.
Reply zlew
3:26 PM on January 17, 2014 
interesting things?
Reply steve austin
6:13 AM on January 20, 2014 
Good post!! I am pleased to read your post. I was searching for the related topic you discussed in there. Good job. All the best.
Reply jobs in canada
8:53 AM on January 22, 2014 
Thankx for more info.
Reply kamagra
5:48 PM on January 25, 2014 
no conflict - no intimacy