Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Shipping
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

Katie Jensen

PeaceRme

The name reflects the dialectic of peace

Hard and soft

Peace and Army

There cab be no peace...

Without peace within

Blog

Birthdays and Velveteen Rabbits

Posted on October 16, 2012 at 9:25 AM
A few words on my birthday:
 
I love this quote from the Velveteen rabbit. In those few paragraphs below are perhaps the most important lessons about love. What's funny to me, is how my ideas about love have changed since I was young. It strikes me that this quote that used to make me sad, now makes me happy. See the quote below.
 
I am sitting in the dark, long before the sun has risen, listening to 70's music. The songs from my youth. Back when love was about "being loved", "adored". "Touch me in the moring". Oh the angst of love. Hoping someone thought I was attractive, smart, funny. Just trying so desperately to tread water and find my way. Back then, love was about defining myself as worthy. If someone would just love me, like it says in that song, want me, then maybe I would be a "real person".
 
What has made me real, isn't having a cushy easy life. Or being "well loved" (though I have been blessed).  I am no longer waiting for the world to hand me a sign that says that I am brilliant, funny, sexy, or important. And that feels so much better. I don't have a boss to please anymore. I am no longer trying to figure out ways to get my vision validated. I don't have an administrator to persuade. I don't even have to persuade my clients because they see it working in their own lives.
 
I just wish that the 15 year old Katie that was filled with so much anxiety about being good enough, would have known that all those fears wouldn't make me safer in life.  If I had known then, that real love doesn't judge an extra pound, that my husband wasn't going to wake up one day and turn down sex because of a scar, or because of a stretch mark, or that real love doesn't die just because of a temper tantrum, or that real love doesn't drown because someone  gets attracted to someone else.  Real love is so much more resilient than all that. The only thing that can kill real love is fear. And it takes an awful lot of fear to make that happen. All those cheesy verses about how love is forgiveness, that used to meet my heart with coldness and boredom turn out to be so freakin' (and those who know me, know that freakin' is not what I just said) true!
 
Carrying anger, being the biggest victim, puts a damper on your life. It makes ME miserable. But where there is love, once you have learned how to stoke the fires of love, once you have learned how to feed your love with the presence of something greater than yourself, there too, is an endless supply.
 
The doubt creeps in, but today I know how to shoo it away. The anger creeps in, but today I know how to smile it away. The sadness comes over me, but I know how to let it wash over me like a wave. I know today that pushing grief away only makes it stronger. That trying to be strong only makes you weak. That hating only closes your mind to love and that anger rarely serves to build a better life. I have learned that saying these trite sentences does nothing to change these truths. The only thing that works to fill a heart with love is to DO love.  
 
I can still find hours here and there to spend suffering about the affairs of the world. When I get sick and tired, when I fall asleep at my wheel of life, when I spiral into that bitchy whining that feels like a warm bed on a rainy day but then I pay the consequence as we all do. I suffer needlessly about the "unfairness of this or that". 
 
When I take stock today, I am mostly grateful. Crazily, I can find gratitude for the extra weight that forces me to be more mindful of my eating every day to the stretch marks that brought me the greatest miracles of life. From my journals filled with story after story of how I was wronged by "HIM" and the following awareness that I don't have even a page written about the miracles of loving my husband.  And finally gratitude for the days I prayed to a scary God who would punish me for not spending enough time on my knees to my current God of understanding, who wants only to use me as a conduit of love, which allows me a constant contact and presence with love.
 
There are triggers that remind me of that old katie, who needed to be respected, admired, loved, appreciated, care about and important. Sometimes I still take up her causes, and fight her battles, defend her old beliefs. But less today. Today I get to spend my life teaching others how to remove the obstacles to love. Today I get to help others find the thoughts that blind them to the love harvest that already exists. It doesn't matter who gets voted in as president, it doesn't matter if I get rich or limp along. All that matters is that each day, I am wearing down with the love of life. Each day I get more and more "real".
 
Here's the quote I promised:
 
“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”
Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
 
 

Categories: Thought for the day

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

89 Comments

Reply bet365
9:58 AM on February 26, 2014 
Hello to all visitors, cheers!!
Reply Event Organizer In Jaipur
5:59 AM on September 3, 2014 
I read your article to learn a lot and hope to see your next article
Reply Best Wedding Photographer in Jaipur,
5:59 AM on September 3, 2014 
I read your article to learn a lot and hope to see your next article
Reply writemycustomessay.com
11:51 AM on December 10, 2014 
Oh wow, that really hit something. Something that I've thought I buried for a long time. Anyway, Happy Birthday! Wishing you good health, long life, and all the luck in the world on your future endeavors.
Reply big face watches
2:25 AM on February 5, 2015 
Just passing some time in between class on Digg and I found your post Not normally what I favor to read about but it surely was well worth my time Thanks
Reply fake chanel
9:07 AM on April 8, 2015 
Material support frames are generally in development in our manner entire world.
Reply new balance 574 mujer baratas
7:43 AM on September 14, 2016 
There is definately a lot to new balance 574 hombre baratas find out about this subject. I like all of the points you've made
Reply write-my-essays.org
10:04 PM on November 12, 2016 
amazing article i like it thanks for sharing this post .
Reply online jackets store
4:42 AM on September 29, 2017 
And this post proves that I have so much to be thankful for. It's a vague reason, but it's real. Anything useful is worthwhile, so I really appreciate reading this.
Reply rolex replica
3:17 AM on October 9, 2017 
And this post proves that I have so much to be thankful for. It's a vague reason, but it's real. Anything useful is worthwhile, so I really appreciate reading this.
Reply expert assignment uk
5:30 AM on October 26, 2017 
You really make it seem so easy along with your presentation however I find this topic to be actually one thing that I think I would never understand. It sort of feels too complex and very huge for me. I'm having a look forward for your subsequent put up, I will try to get the dangle of it! Great site!
Reply uk essay
5:33 AM on October 26, 2017 
Wonderful site and I wanted to post a note to let you know, ""Good job""! I’m glad I found this blog. Brilliant and wonderful job ! Your blog site has presented me most of the strategies which I like
Reply uk
2:16 PM on October 26, 2017 
This blog has been giving us and wonderful points always about is fitting gutter grids or gutter hedgehog really worth it?. Thanks for this andrewswindowcleaning blog for sharing and giving us better info always.
Reply SOFTWARE
5:19 PM on February 3, 2018 
Wonderful site and I wanted to post a note to let you know, ""Good job""! I’m glad I found this blog. Brilliant and wonderful job ! Your blog site has presented me most of the strategies which I like
Reply Thesis Writing Service Uk
6:58 AM on August 27, 2018 
This Is Great Information For Students. This Article Is Very Helpful I Really Like This Blog Thanks. I Also Have Some Information Relevant For Online Dissertation Help.
Reply PHP Assignment Help Online
9:42 AM on August 27, 2018 
This Is Really Great Work. Thank You For Sharing Such A Useful Information Here In The Blog.
Reply <a hre="https://allofvacuums.com/bissell-smartclean-1974-review/">bissell smartclean 1974 black fri
5:04 PM on October 28, 2018 
bissell smartclean 1974 connected is best option for all of us as per my experience
Reply bissell smartclean 1974 black friday
8:08 AM on October 29, 2018 

there is no option better than bissell smartclean 1974connected when it comes to robotic vacuum cleaner

Reply <a href="https://allofvacuums.com/bissell-smartclean-1974-review/">bissell smartclean 1974 black fri
11:53 AM on October 29, 2018 
bissell smartclean 1974 best option for all of us as per my experience

Reply https://ifreegiveaways.com/
12:23 PM on November 7, 2018 
Now you can win free stuff online, free giveaways, enter every day to win latest iphones, smartphones, macbooks, laptops, accessories, technology and much more.
0